365 Days...

So, a lot has happened in the last three months. We finished the house, moved in, and hosted Kai's first birthday. In the interim, he had his first hair cut, was liberated from baby food, and began wearing shoes. For him, it's been a good three months (except for the shoes...).

Normal kids dive right into the cake. Not my child. He did not want to get his hands dirty. For everyone else, this was a disappointment. For me, I consider it a victory.

We couldn't get my dad away from Kai's stuff.

The morning of Kai's birthday, I went to get him up and do a big "It's my first birthday" dance. However, as I approached his crib, I noticed that his pacifier was caked in with a gross green film that had clearly originated from his nose. It was a pitiful sight. Needless to say, he wasn't thrilled about taking this first picture.

Also this month, Kai got his first haircut at Western Plaza Barber Shop. Natasha let him sit in the big seat while Junior fed him a steady stream of animal crackers. We made it through with a nice clean hairline and a certificate commemorating the event.

I don't know why people thought it was too long...

This year was a little harder than last. Last year we passed Cade's birthday in the hospital having Kai. This year we were home, and we were minus one boy. It was very evident this year that one was missing. We planned a last minute party because it seemed unfair to not plan a party, but it was hard. There are days that hurt just as much as the first day without him, and this time of year is bittersweet. The best part about it is that Kai has no idea. For him, nothing mars his day or his toys or his friends. And that is such a relief. He is such a happy little boy, and I am thankful every day that we have gotten to share the last year with him. We have watched him change so much, and his personality is really shining through. He loves to eat and play and laugh. He hates his shoes and naps. His feelings can be hurt, and when they are, his bottom lip pops out so far it doesn't seem like it could still be attached. He loves his Nana and Poppy, and he is pretty attached to his four people. He will try new things, but only once if he doesn't like it. He is funny and sweet and handsome. He is cranky and hateful and demanding. He is everything that I had hoped he would be.

Happy Birthday Kai!

House update

This is where we are on the house these days...

We are still waiting on shutters and gutters. When we get there, the outside will be done!

This home is where our hearts are...

We recently started building our "FOREVER HOME..." That is such a loaded statement that it's tough for me to even say that. Forever implies a lot of things. It implies happiness and light and raising our son. It implies that we will never need something bigger or something smaller. It implies that life can't jump in and change that forever plan, and Clint and I know very well that that can happen. But, regardless of all that, we took the plunge. We're doing it. And it's fantastic. The house was a foundation for a mere week before the framers stepped in and gave us a whole house (in FOUR days...). We are keeping it a secret from Brent and Laura, and that's been a real challenge given the fact that both of the boys have been here for the last month. Dilyn almost gave it away, but we were able to salvage his slip with a water line snafu story...haha. They are coming in tonight to get the boys, so the secret will be out, and it will be a relief. The experience so far has been so good. We are very blessed to have an incredible contractor and to have worked with so many great people. These pictures are a bit old (last week...haha). We now have windows and doors, a roof, and some brick. We have the start of a place that's permanent. I can't wait for Kai to begin his life in the house where he will one day bring the girl who will become his wife to meet me and his dad...

And so it begins...

Because Clint is doing so much of the work, Kai and I spend a lot of time there at night. He loves it. They both do. Clint is over the moon that we are finally achieving this dream.

I said once after we lost Cade that sitting in a chair on the shore of Lake Michigan assured me there was a God in the way that church sometimes didn't. This place is like that.

After day 3...

Behind this house about ten years ago, Clint proposed to me. With rain sprinkling down and his glasses on, we started our future on that hill. It feels a bit like it's coming full circle.

A request from the other me...

What else can I add to a topic seemingly experienced by a wide world? Nothing. There is nothing I can say that has not already been said. There is certainly nothing I can do to make that hurt less, no suggestion I can venture that is new. But, perhaps the one thing I can do is share with you all in order to spread the ultimate message. So, here goes... Last Monday, a former student at West passed away. There is a lot you can learn about the situation from his mother's blog at mamapundit.com. This morning as I got up and checked in with her, I wasn't sure what to expect. They laid her oldest son to rest yesterday; they gave up a part of who they are. While I understand parts of that, it would be crass to suggest that our situations are even remotely the same. So, when I checked in, I had no idea what to expect. Here is what I found: a beautiful video documenting who Henry really was-not the person that drugs sometimes made him, but the son they truly lost, a family who has come together for each other despite the past, a mother who has no idea where to go from here with a life that is coming soon that will be totally dependent on her. My heart is breaking for this family. There is so much they have to process and so much they have to walk through that it is hard to even know where to start. The lesson I took away this morning is this: Henry, with all of his recent troubles, was more than someone addicted to drugs. He was a beautiful young man with so much potential. He was a funny, handsome, family oriented boy who had a problem that most of us never experience in any way. It is so easy to read a news story and form opinions about who someone truly is. In other cases, I have been guilty of it myself. However, who Henry was is so much more than what we read, and THAT is what his family lost. They lost their comedian, they lost their brother, they lost their friend. They lost the chance for things to change. In its place, they received an outpouring of support and some judgment. They received constant speculation. They received hurt and confusion and guilt and debilitating grief. It is not a fair trade. Not at all. They are left with the question of where to go from here. For us, this is my suggestion. Please read his mother's blog. Please tell your children. Besides the fact that it makes the lesson very real, it is also the only part of him that his mother has left, and we owe her that.

Who I am today...

Kai has done A LOT of changing over the last three months. He can now sit up, crawl, and babble with the best of them. He is generally very happy, but he really shuts down when he is tired. He loves sweet potatoes, and he will try almost anything once. He may make a fuss about it, but he's got a good spirit. His dad can really make him laugh; he loves to play rough. The higher you toss him, the happier he is. He is incredibly ticklish on his tummy, and his smile can stop my heart. Here is a bit of what we have been up to lately...

This was his first time in his baby pool. He freaked out at first, but then he got acclimated-right before he scaled the pool walls to get to the deck...

Kai and Daddy during a rare down day...

He wasn't sure what to think about this, but curiosity got the best of him...

A reader he will be...

Just like his Dad, he's got a temper...hahaha...

Kai's first Easter. We lost my grandfather the week before Easter, so it was bittersweet this year...

Mastering the art of eating out...

Exhausted after a long day of funeral planning...

A month of firsts...

This month was Kai's first bite of food...

Not sure if you can gather this from his expression, but...

he hated it. What kid hates rice cereal?

It was also his first Super Bowl. Given that he doesn't seem to intend to eat real food, this was the logical second choice for the high chair-Super Bowl recliner.

Christmas and Travels

Christmas held a lot of family time and a trip to Tallahassee to hang out with Brent and Laura and the boys. There aren't too many pictures of Christmas because I forgot the camera, but here are the ones we managed to get before I FAILED...haha...

What's the saying? Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, you will be a mile away, and you will have his shoes...

I have to say, with a smile like this, I am of the opinion that he won't be single for long...

Nana and Poppy and Kai at Christmas...

Kai is a HUGE fan of Dilyn. Dilyn does great with him. Except, of course, when he left him three aisles over at Walmart by himself. That was a bit of a set back...haha...

The customary first Christmas outfit...

He was so into Christmas he couldn't stand it.